So I never thought I would be one of those women who complains about their child's father. I always knew that whenever I had kids, it would be with someone who loves and cherishes them as much as I would. Boy was I wrong. Found a fake guy, yes fake. I say fake because everything he pretended to be he was the polar opposite of. Six months into this facade, at the young age of 25, I found myself pregnant. Luckily, I had landed a job in my chosen field of education so I wasn't too hung up on finances. However, the situation was not ideal. I was unmarried and shacked up with "my baby daddy." Ugh! Did I mention that he didn't have a job? Right, he pretended to work. Yea, that's apparently a thing if your father owns his own business. You can pretend you work but half ass get paid and spend your days playing video games. So, despite all the warning signs to end the relationship and cut my losses. I stuck it out for a while longer. We got engaged, he took on odd jobs. Nothing permanent and nothing too strenuous. God forbid. 4 years later, 2 sons, still engaged. I had had enough. I am not writing this blog because I am bitter. Not by any means. I married the love of my life and I am overjoyed. I walked away from that situation because I knew that he was not the person for me. I was not getting any help. I basically took care of the boys myself. I packed our bags and we moved from Mississippi to Missouri to be near my parents and other family that agreed to help during this time. My sister and her husband came down to pick me up. They helped me get the apartment cleaned. ( years later after checking my credit, I found out that HE went back into the apartment and caused $1200 worth of damage to it because he was upset...great guy right?) It was then that I was introduced to the life of deadbeat dads... My sons were 10 months and and 2 1/2 years old when we moved to Missouri in December 2008.  We lived there for 3 years. In that time, I had reconnected with my first love so things were going great in the romance department. However, once the relationship soured between me and HIM, it was like he forgot about the children as well. I tried to keep the courts out of it. I told HIM despite the distance you can come and see them, get them for holidays, especially in the summer. I also only asked for $300 a month in child support to help with daycare costs. In that time period, he traveled to see the boys once and that was only because he had an alterior motive. HE thought that HE could get me back. That was quite laughable and oh so very sad. I also traveled back to Mississippi on a few occasions and I would always let HIM know when the boys would be in town. On one visit, I told HIM HE could pick the boys up after HE got off of work. When HE finally did get in touch with me that evening, HE told me that HE would not be able to get the boys because HE had worked two jobs all week and HE deserved a night out on the town. I was at a loss for words. At that point HE had not seen the boys in over six months and instead of rushing over to get them and spend as much time with them as possible, HE decided to go out to a club. Mind you we were only going to be there for a weekend.  To top it all off, HE had only been sending $100 dollars in support every six months or so. (Great, I can do a lot with that I tell ya). I still didn't get lawyers involved, mainly because I didn't have the money. I tried going through the state for help but that process is super long. So with the help of my family and my fiance, we took care of the boys. HE became a special occasion "dad." (I use the term quite loosely) This meant that if HE remembered their birthdays (sometimes HE forgot) HE would call them, or if it was Christmas, Thanksgiving, Father's Day (HA) when HE was forced to be reminded HE had kids, HE would call. This is when HE began lying to them. They would ask for things. HE would tell them HE would buy. They would wait each day for mail, only to receive a big fat nothing. HE has come through a total of 2 times with that. I've told HIM on numerous occasions, don't make promises you can't keep because I have to deal with the backlash. Fast forward to 2011 we moved to Tennessee, I am now a married woman (since 2010). We have a third little boy. HE is still a deadbeat. The boys are now only three hours away from HIM.After the move, I got a call that changed everything. HIS girlfriend or ex ( I think they were taking a break) found my number and gave me a call. She had questions and had determined that she was not getting the truth from HIM. (big surprise there) I knew of the girl, we went to the same college. She seemed nice enough and was very polite. She apologized for calling but, said that she really needed some answers and she felt like she could get them from me. The first question she asked was: Is HE taking care of the boys? She went on to say that HE has told her that HE pays for their daycare, sends money every month, along with care packages etc. My mouth dropped. I said, let me stop you there. None of these things are happening, and if you don't believe me, ask HIM the name of the daycare they attend? As a matter of fact, ask HIM anything about their lives other than their birthdays and their full names and see if HE can tell you?  I told her HE was still telling me that HE was broke. She was upset. Mainly because she was four months pregnant and finding out that her "baby daddy" was a deadbeat. She got the notion in her head that HE was a model father based on what HE told her about the boys. (the lies) And boy did the lies run deep. From fake shopping trips to pick out bunk beds for the boys, phone call that never took place, gifts that were never sent, she was livid. She then informed me that HE had a great job and made good money. She said HE can help you take care of the boys. HE is choosing not to. HE has money. Now, I'm upset. I'm taking care of these babies and you're living free and foul. Gloves are off now. I had saved up some money. I contacted a lawyer. HE was served. Case went to trial. HE didn't have the decency to show up. Judge gave a fair amount based on his job. We went on with our lives. There was also a custody agreement put into play. All of this happened in 2011. It is now 2015. HE has picked them up for one Christmas in 2011. HE hasn't tried to pursue getting them for anymore holidays or the summer. HE claims HE doesn't have anyone to keep them while HE is at work. Even though I have a first cousin who lives there and offered to keep them for HIM. (yea, that happened) I forgot to mention that HE was fired from this cushy job back in October 2014 because HE couldn't get to work on time. I believe HE was just tired of having to take care of HIS children. So, no more child support, along with no phone calls and no visits to the boys. Get this, HE even came to our city and didn't pick up the phone once so that HE could make arrangements to see the boys. Too busy kicking it with his boys. An entire weekend in the same city as your very own children who you haven't seen in a year, and you spend it hanging out, with money you claim you don't have. And you have the nerve to ask me to let you get your life together. Mother's don't get that. Our children still have to be fed, clothed, cared for and loved. No breaks here! I am so thankful for the support system that I have because a lot of women are not as fortunate. I am upset for how these situations will affect my boys when they get older. Six years later and HE is still the same person. They have a great role model in my husband, whom they call dad. A real dad. They love and look up to him. Did I mention we have a fourth boy? Yep! We do. So, like I said, I'm not bitter. Just need to vent from time to time. Stay tuned for the next blog friends of deadbeats and girls who date deadbeats... Peace